Thursday, May 31, 2012
I had already lost all the leaves from the tree of life. i was shrunk to a corner of my own shell.I had already stopped seeing the colors around me, which i scratched out of my own walls. Had shut myself out of the world of love and peace or rather i blinded it of what`s tit bits were still floating around in the air i was still breathing. No drugs could take my senses out any more, No medicine could give me memory lose. No soul could peace me out and no dreams could let me hang on to this world. Every step i took i convinced myself where taken towards the end.So much fascinated Death also started giving me blankness. I decided not to believe in anything anymore. No people, no love, no god..My effort for days and days finally got me into a numbness.I couldn't feel anything anymore. Life was also becomes lifeless then so i didn't feel the necessity of ending my life anymore.I stopped writing, i stopped singing..I couldn't engage myself anymore in anything. Nothing amazed me even a bit. Being good never helped me but i lost the need to be bad too. Haven't seen anymore colors in any butterflies.No more i was concerned of the smiles people gave.I stopped observing people or even couldn't feel anymore what they felt around me. I didn't feel the need of making anybody happy. I have almost melted in the corner i have created in my darkest secret world. I didn't foresee any magic.I didn't believe in any miracle.
Then when i almost believed that i have blinked my eye for the last time, a ray of light, a halo, an eye, a smile, a breeze, a rain, i saw. A hand stretched towards me, the strongest to shook me back, the softest to comfort me...i drank my life back with a sigh...i gained back billions of colors in my eyes....and a bunch of butterflies fluttered in me.And i knew i had to live again for the most important reason, Love.To share, to give, to accept, to care, to protect, to be protected most of all to love and to be loved...Unconditionally. I got new wings, i got a new heart, i got new dreams, i got a reason to live for. And i entered a magical world, where every twist and turn was surprises...i didn't know when i was out of the darkness...when i become the most beautiful...Finally i knew that all the hardship i faced was to be polished to receive the best of all.
But i got swept away from my feet..i started taking things for granted...my inner dark fears started peeping out of my tongue. In the fear of loosing, i started being stupid. I have hurt someone who i should never by my words, by my problems.I forgot that Love comes to u with certain conditions and only if you accept those conditions you can give unconditional love..Even when i got what i have been looking for in my whole life, i found it is difficult to grab the whole of it. Now i am going through a clearing process. Clearing my own soul to be someone`s soul. Clearing my own dreams to give someone new dreams.Clearing my own love with conditions to give unconditional Love.